Humans instinctively resort to addictive behaviors to protect themselves from painful and unbearable emotions. Such behaviors often have devastating consequences that are often overlooked, and it is only when addiction becomes uncontrollable that one can take action to get rid of it.
People who are addicted to love spend a lot of time and energy on someone they are addicted to. In fact, people who are addicted to love consider this person above themselves and their focus on him is often extreme and obsessive.
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This behavior leads to love addicts neglecting to take care of themselves and their needs in various ways, and by ignoring the important aspects of their own lives and well-being, they focus all their attention and energy on the person they love. have.
Love addiction is not necessarily limited to romantic or sexual relationships. Such a person may feel so insane about friends, children, his teacher, a religious figure, or even a movie star he has never met.
In the continuation of this article from trends , we will examine the different dimensions of this disorder and its symptoms, then we will examine the cause of its occurrence along with its control and treatment methods. Stay with us.
What is love addiction?
The main fantasy of a love addict is that another person can take care of all the problems in his life, always give him positive and unconditional attention and condition, and take care of him in any situation. Even when these unrealistic needs are not met, people who are addicted to love may feel resentful and have conflicts and challenges in their relationships with others.
Some of these people are aware that when they are not in an addictive love affair, they can take good care of themselves. However, when they engage in such a relationship, their capacity to take care of themselves decreases rapidly.
People often become addicted to romantic relationships later in adulthood because of rejection by their parents in the early years of life. These people often do not have their most valuable spiritual needs met as children, which include receiving approval, love, and a meaningful relationship with their parents.
In fact, it dramatically affects their self-esteem in adulthood, leading to a conscious fear of abandonment and an unconscious fear that underlies intimacy with others. From the point of view of someone addicted to love, the intensity of a relationship is often confused with the degree of intimacy of the relationship.
Like any other addiction, getting rid of love addiction is a process based on self-discovery and understanding of basic emotions. This requires taking certain steps: overcoming denial and accepting addiction. Evaluate the harmful consequences of this type of addiction and intervene to prevent the onset of the addiction cycle.
Finally, love addicts must enter a process of mourning in order to address their underlying and hidden emotional pain, which is at the core of their addiction.
People addicted to love experience withdrawal symptoms during the treatment process. Working with a therapist can help these people through the process of talking about childhood abandonment experiences, overcoming the painful feelings, fear, anger, and emptiness that may appear during the treatment process, as well as releasing old emotions that lead to negative active behaviors. Can help.
Being in love is a beautiful feeling that everyone deserves. Loving one person and being loved by another is something that almost all human beings strive to achieve.
However, sometimes love can also appear in an unhealthy way. In fact, these unhealthy and sometimes destructive situations force some people to behave in strange and irrational ways that are to the detriment of themselves and the people they love.
Addiction to love is actually a state that causes a person in love to have unhealthy and obsessive desires towards his beloved.
Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is also challenging for someone who is addicted to love. People with this type of addiction usually have unrealistic standards and expectations of love, and when these conditions are not met, it leads to a further deterioration of their mental state.
Some people often argue that love addiction should not be classified as a mental health disorder. However, others believe that people with the disease experience real, disabling symptoms.
Such people often have an unhealthy relationship with their partner and seek to control them. Like other forms of addiction, a person who is addicted to love may exhibit behaviors and impulses that are beyond his or her control. However, with proper treatment and care, these people can recognize their unhealthy behaviors and attitudes toward romantic relationships and learn how to build healthy and loving relationships.
Symptoms of love addiction
The symptoms of love addiction vary from person to person, but the most common symptom is an unhealthy pattern of attention to your partner that causes you to become obsessed with interacting with him, such as having too much contact with him or even chasing and checking the phone. She.
People addicted to love live in a chaotic world surrounded on the one hand by their urgent emotional need and on the other by emotional frustration and despair. These people, for fear of being left alone or rejected, are always looking for that special person that makes them feel complete with him.
Ironically, people who are addicted to love in life often have many opportunities to truly experience the intimacy they seek. But they are intensely attracted to intense and extreme “love” experiences, and real intimacy and healthy relationships do not appeal to them. In this way, they spend most of their time hunting for that “special someone.”
These people base almost all their life choices on their desires; From choosing a wardrobe to exercising in the club and the hobbies and activities that may be appealing to them, and the way they talk and socialize with others.
For people who are really looking for a long-term and healthy relationship, the intense romantic emotions of the early part of the relationship only act as a catalyst that creates the bond needed to create and maintain an intimate relationship. But people addicted to love are addicted to the intense romantic emotions associated with early on in the relationship, and for this reason their relationship never goes beyond this initial level and they do not experience real intimacy and a long-term relationship.
When they are in a relationship, after a short time they experience feelings such as separation, sadness, restlessness, irritability and dissatisfaction because those strong initial emotions are gone. When they are not in a relationship, they feel hopeless, unworthy and lonely, until they find a potential new spouse and once again experience the height of “love”.
Love addiction often manifests itself in the form of the following emotions and behaviors:
- Feeling the constant need to be in an emotional relationship
- Commitment to the other and falling in love, without really knowing the other person.
- In search of love, they are constantly moving from one relationship to another.
- He never feels satisfied in a relationship.
- Excessive obsession and dependence on his partner
- Staying in a bad, abusive relationship just to be in a relationship.
- Having severe depression and destructive behaviors after separating from their partner
- Personal sacrifices to satisfy his partner
- Ignoring the needs of himself or his family, just for the sake of accompanying his emotional partner
- Staying away from friends and ignoring personal and financial responsibilities when in an emotional relationship.
- Feelings of jealousy and ownership over your partner when he or she is talking or spending time with other people.
- When a partner does not have an emotional partner, he or she feels lost or separated.
- Feeling overly dependent on your partner
- Prioritizing the relationship he has with his partner over any other personal relationship in his life, sometimes to the extent that he completely neglects the other personal relationships he has with his family and friends.
- When he and his wife’s romantic efforts are not reciprocated, he feels depressed.
- Constantly trying to have a romantic relationship is not even suitable for someone he knows.
- It is difficult for these people to leave unhealthy or toxic relationships.
- Wrong decisions because of how he feels about his partner (for example, quitting a job or breaking up with a family).
- Obsessive and unhealthy thoughts and attitudes about your spouse or fiancé to the point that they disrupt his or her life.
- Confusing intense sexual experiences with love
- They are constantly looking for a romantic relationship.
- When in a relationship, they put all their energy into satisfying the other person and are constantly afraid of upsetting him.
- Inability to maintain an intimate relationship after losing freshness and initial excitement
- Feeling lonely is unbearable or emotionally difficult for them.
- When they are not in a relationship, they are forced to use sex and fantasy to fill their loneliness and emptiness.
- They often choose partners for their relationships who are not emotionally available or who are verbally or physically abusive.
- They usually choose partners who need a lot of attention and care but do not meet or even try to meet their emotional or physical needs.
- Participating in activities that they are not interested in or that are contrary to their personal values is simply to maintain or satisfy their emotional partner.
- Ignore important interests, beliefs or friendships to maximize the time they spend in a relationship or to satisfy their romantic partner.
- Using sex, seduction, and psychological manipulation (guilt, shame) to “trap” or keep their partner
- Using sex or intense romantic relationships as a tool to endure difficult experiences or feelings
- Missing important family, job, or social opportunities and situations due to over-spending time on romantic or sexual relationships
- Frequent return to previous uncontrollable or painful relationships, despite promises made to themselves or others not to do so
There are many other symptoms of love addiction that may not be described above. This is because the symptoms of this disorder are very wide and different and different people express their feelings in their own unique way. In fact, the way a person chooses to express his feelings is reflected in his symptoms.
The symptoms of love addiction also vary in severity. While some symptoms, such as repeated contact, may seem harmless, others, such as chasing a person in the real world or cyberspace or even restricting people from interacting with the other party, can have detrimental effects. Have with them.
While in all romantic relationships at least some of the above symptoms may be seen, but in love addiction there is usually a fixed pattern of one or more (usually several) symptoms, and this pattern leads to negative and persistent consequences in people’s lives. They may eventually intensify.
Love addicts, in fact, are always looking for something outside of themselves; A person, a relationship or even an experience to provide emotional stability in their lives. In other words, love addicts use romantic experiences and emotional stimuli to (temporarily) correct themselves and feel emotionally stable.
Detection method
There is a lot of debate in medical circles and communities about whether love addiction should be classified as a mental health disorder. This makes the diagnosis much more complicated than other mental health disorders.
In 2019, some researchers developed a framework to help identify love addiction disorder called the “Love Addiction List.” This list contains a series of questions that can be used to assess the diagnosis of love addiction.
Like all addictions, love addiction can affect anyone. However, some people are more prone to this type of addiction than others. The following are some of the factors that put a person at greater risk for developing this addiction:
- Family history: Addiction to love can be a learned behavior pattern, and if a child grows up in a home where one of the parents is addicted to love, the child may believe that this behavior is normal and therefore continue this vicious cycle. .
- Hormonal status: Some people have higher hormone levels than others. This can affect their sexual desire and emotions. People with high levels of sex hormones may be more likely to develop this type of addiction.
- Traumatic experiences: People who have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as children or in their first relationships may be more prone to sexual or love addiction. Traumatic experience (s) is the only pattern they have in mind of a relationship. Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness can lead to the search for love and sex in inappropriate places and with inappropriate people.
- Previously Bad Relationships: People who have had a bad relationship in the past may feel unworthy or obsessively seeking to experience a sense of love. Such people may experience multiple relationships to feel true love and eventually become frustrated and frustrated with their efforts. Or they may even stay in a humiliating and violent relationship for a long time and feel that this is the only thing they deserve.
Causes and contexts of infection
More research is needed to better understand love addiction disorder and identify its causes and triggers. Some existing research points to various factors such as trauma and genetics that are the main drivers of love addiction.
Research also shows that there is a close connection between the feeling of happiness that a person experiences when falling in love and the feeling of pleasure that a person addicted to substances such as cocaine or alcohol may experience.
In fact, researchers have discovered similarities between the behavior of a person in love and a person addicted to drugs. People in both groups may experience emotional dependence, feelings of hangover and distraction, mood swings, coercion, obsession, and loss of behavioral control.
When you are in love, your brain releases a variety of chemical messengers that make you feel good, such as dopamine. The same pattern applies to substance abuse and addiction.
Other common triggers for love addiction include:
- Dealing with the issue of abandonment in the past
- Having low self-esteem
- Experience emotional or sexual harassment in the past
- Experience a traumatic relationship
- Childhood injuries
However, a lot of research is being done to find out more about how true love addiction works. Genetics, traumatic experiences, and educational issues can increase the risk of developing love addiction. But love addiction also comes from a variety of other factors, such as low self-esteem or other underlying psychological problems.
For example, a person who lacks self-esteem may rely too much on their partner to make up for it. In addition, people may subconsciously choose love addiction as a way to fill the void left by childhood trauma, self-deprecation, or hatred.
Like other addictions, it can be caused by fear of rejection and abandonment. In addition, intense physical desire for a partner can lead to obsessive behaviors because some chemicals are released through sexual activity in the body.
Sex also releases chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin, which can create a strong attachment to a person with low self-esteem.
Another reason could be to use relationships to fill emotional gaps. People may feel that love with them brings excitement and intimacy to life.
In such cases, the person may put a lot of pressure on his partner to be everything to him and meet all his needs, have weak emotional boundaries and be strongly dependent on his spouse.
Feeling that someone has all the characteristics that you lack can make you see your partner in an ideal and legendary way or constantly seek his approval. Finally, childhood injuries can also be an important factor. Conditions such as child abuse, rejection, and emotional neglect can contribute to love addiction.
Different patterns of love addiction
People who struggle with love addiction usually follow four general patterns of the disorder:
- Addicted to obsessive / compulsive love
- Addicted to love
- Addicted to narcissistic love
- Addicted to ambivalent love
The main problem of the obsessive / compulsive group is separation from their partner, even if their relationship is no longer healthy or their spouse is emotionally distant from them.
The next group, love addicts, use their partner as a source of self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. They always make the other person happy in different relationships, hoping to get approval and credibility from him.
If the emotional partner of these people is dependent, this may not be a problem early in the relationship, but if their partner is looking for someone who is more emotionally independent, resentment can naturally arise.
Love addicts usually seek values in their relationships and may go so far as to become simply tired and incapacitated, for example, they may associate with a partner who is addicted or emotionally unavailable. They try to help him and change his life.
In love addiction, there is a strong dependence between a person and his partner. Love addicts expect their partner to give them a goal, but in the long run they can never receive love from their partner, and this creates a deep rift between them.
On the other hand, narcissistic love addicts put themselves in a powerful position in their relationships. They actually exploit their partner and use them as a source of attention, confidence, obedience and obedience.
In addition, they can severely abuse their partner by ignoring their partner and being selfish. However, there is a dependency between them and their partner.
Finally, an ambivalent (or avoidant) love addict is one who avoids true intimacy. They are the kind of people for whom past loves never end, they usually get involved in one-sided relationships (failed love) and they can easily ruin their relationships.
In addition, they are addicted to the illusion of relationships but may in fact avoid the other person or be inconsistent about approaching him.
People with any of these patterns of love addiction can use sex to maintain unhealthy attachments, lie, manipulate, falsely expose past relationships, or even threaten their partner if they decide to leave.
Love addiction, concomitant disorders and substance abuse
Love addiction can be accompanied by other types of psychological or emotional challenges. In cases where trauma is the cause of the disorder, people may seek love in unhealthy places to obtain what they perceive as love.
Likewise, people who are looking for a love-doping (dopamine) addiction or people with addictive personalities can see the constant need for relationships and love as a motivating and energizing factor.
In addition, if an obsessive love addict is unable to maintain his or her spouse’s attention or affection, he or she may experience feelings of anxiety or even depression.
The stress that love addicts can inflict on themselves in order to gain love, or the extreme effort they put into maintaining or building relationships, can become a distraction in their job performance or reduce their level of well-being and economic power.
As a result, they may begin to ignore their own needs and ignore much of their mental and physical needs, as they often engage in emotional ups and downs.
They may not be able to perform healthily and acceptably without someone in their life to love or be loved. These feelings of hopelessness, rejection, and betrayal can cause unpleasant feelings in the person, which in turn may lead them to use drugs or alcohol to relieve them.
Cure for love addiction
Treating love addiction can be somewhat difficult. A common form of treatment used to treat addiction is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). With this type of treatment, your therapist will work with you to discover problematic thought patterns that may play a role in stimulating your addictive behaviors.
Since love addiction is not a known and pervasive mental disorder, there is currently no cure for it. However, if it is associated with other disorders such as anxiety or depression, your doctor may prescribe medication to treat the symptoms of concomitant illness.
Some research also suggests that doctors may prescribe antidepressants and mood stabilizers to help treat a person with the disorder to combat the symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder in certain cases of love addiction.
When it comes to love addiction, there is often a basic sense of shame and emptiness that needs to be treated and addressed. In addition, obsessive-compulsive disorder behaviors can occur that love addicts alone cannot control and treat.
Therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy can greatly help a person addicted to love, because in this way he becomes aware of his thoughts. Meditation can also reduce the feeling of anxiety and bring peace and emotional balance to the person.
In cases of anxiety, the meditation and self-compassion technique can work wonders and focus the person on the source of pain and resentment, while allowing him or her to realize his or her worth and fill the void in his or her existence.
In the case of trauma treatment, therapists can also help treat the person by discovering unhealthy patterns of childhood or adulthood that could affect their current unhealthy behavior. Finally, medications for depression or anxiety can also be prescribed by a doctor.
Living With Love Addiction Disorder
One of the most challenging things about overcoming love addiction is admitting that you have such a problem.
Many people who are addicted to love can not understand why it is difficult to express obsessive feelings towards their partner.
If you feel the signs of love addiction in your body, talk to a mental health professional as soon as possible. With proper treatment and care, you can discover healthier ways to express your love.
However, if you know that you are addicted to love, here are some simple and practical tips that will help you cope with your condition and the correct treatment of this disorder:
Learn to be alone: If you are not in an emotional relationship at the time of diagnosis, you should take the opportunity to spend some time alone. Examine the causes and stimuli of your addiction, and before entering into a new relationship, try to make some progress in recognizing your hidden motivations.
Beware of repetitive patterns: A love addict usually exhibits a consistent pattern of behavior throughout his or her emotional relationships. Take a look at the romantic relationships you have been in and identify recurring patterns.
Invest in yourself: Taking the time to invest in your own growth is a great way to fall in love with yourself. People with this disorder often neglect themselves and their needs.
Rely on your friends and family: Sharing your struggle with the person with the people who love and care about you can help a lot.
Join a face-to-face or virtual support group. One of the most comforting truths of life in any situation is to know that you are not alone and that there are people who are involved in your struggles. Joining a support group exposes you to such people. It also allows you to talk to people who have overcome the disease.
Final point
If you think that you are also struggling with love addiction, you should know that you are not alone. There are many others who have experienced and dealt with these kinds of emotional challenges. The good news is that a mental health professional can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself and others.
Sources: Addiction Center , Primrose Lodge , The Ranch Tennessee , Verywell Mind , PsychCentral